BendiNewsTest: Russian scientist injects himself with 3.5 million year old bacteria for eternal youth

A Russian scientist claims to have found the fountain of youth by injecting himself with 3.5 million year old bacteria found in the Siberian permafrost. According to Anatoli Brouchkov, he no longer gets sick and is now stronger than ever. While Brouchkov admits he doesn’t know exactly how the elixir is working its magic, he still has faith in its effects. “[W]e do not know yet exactly how it works. In fact, we do not know exactly how aspirin works, for example, but it does.”